you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
