At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
