yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
