I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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