So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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