Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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