she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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