My sheets look like a crime scene.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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