Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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