I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
