Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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