I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
