im drinking this country out of the recession.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize