Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
