Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
