Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
