Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
