What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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