i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
