it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
