Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
