Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
