Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
