And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
