When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
