i barfeds in our rink
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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