Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
