So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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