You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
