The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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