I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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