Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
