Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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