I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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