I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
