the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
