John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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