No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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