Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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