as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
