This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
