I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
