Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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