youre lurking in front of me
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
