fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
