Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize