I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
