i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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