I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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