I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
