he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
