it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
