No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize