What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
