i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize