just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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