He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
