My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
