I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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