If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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