We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
