Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
