Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
