no, he came in my armpit
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
