if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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