You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
