I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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