remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Randomize
